Friday 6 March 2009

Motty from heaven

I fell this should be my War and Peace, my King Lear, my Faust.

I'm not really sure who Brian Viner is I must admit. However I am going to conclude on the basis of this one article, with no further research or effort put in by myself, that Brian Viner is a member of the job's for the boys, don't rock the boat, keep women in the kitchen where they belong club. I made this opinion on the basis of the title and the sub-heading alone. Perhaps this is a little previous of me. Perhaps I ought to give him a chance...

Motson kicks off a long and agreeably well-lubricated lunch at an Italian restaurant just off the Gray's Inn Road in London.

Strike Two?

The very thought of being a fly on the wall at this lunch makes me want to punch someone in the face.

It is the same restaurant, indeed we are at the same table, where in 1996 Motson was wooed by ITV top brass with a view to him succeeding Brian Moore, who had announced his retirement, as ITV's chief football commentator.

At this point I should say something about Motty not being fit to lace Brian Moore's boots, or wipe the spittle off his microphone or something. I must admit however I was never a massive Brian Moore fan at the time. Barry Davies however is another matter entirely.

The book to which he refers is his autobiography, due to be published by Virgin Books in September.

It has taken 4 paragraphs to get to the real reason for this fawning, sychophantic article. We ought to have guessed really. Motty has an autobiography out so he is cosying up to his friends in the business to drum up some publicity for himself. No great crime in itself I suppose but we can do without the creeping articles none the less.

But he [Motson] wants it [the book] to start with the phone call he got in a Manhattan bar in 1994, telling him that Davies would be handed the microphone for the impending World Cup final. He was distraught, and makes no bones about it.

Ah Barry Davies. When football commentators were intelligent, articulate and cared more about the game itself than hearing their own voices, or showing everyone how clever they were.

"I happen to think that it was the right decision, by the way," he adds. "Barry did deserve the World Cup final.

Yes, yes he did. Just a shame the BBC didn't stick with him from then on and spare us years of torture.

But for some unaccountable reason public affection for me grew from that day on.

Utterly, utterly unaccountable. If even Motty himself can't work it out then I'm fucked if I can.

So could it be that next year's World Cup, like none since 1970, will unfold without him? And if so, will the ravens flee the Tower of London?

Please sweet God of love and mercy let it be so.

And Strike 3 for Viner for the Tower of London comment. Twat.

"I don't think I'll be there as a commentator," he says. Would he like to be? "Well, if you ask me, could I do what I did four years ago? Yes I could. I look at Peter O'Sullevan, who did the Grand National when he was 79, and at Richie Benaud

Has no one mentioned to Motty that Peter O'Sullevan and Richie Benaud knew exactly when to shut up, and when something needed to be said they said it. They have distinctive, almost lyrical diction, unique perspectives, and a love and fascination with their sports which they transferred to the audience with an ease and grace. Motson is not fit to be mentioned in the same sentence as those great, great broadcasters and he should not have the arrogance and ego to even compare himself to them.

Let's take the above quote from Motson and compare it to what he said after Euro 2008:

"I am coming to the end of my career, I know that," said Motson. "I'd been thinking about it at the start of the season, but now I've decided I don't want to be tearing around South Africa for the 2010 World Cup at the age of 65. It's physically and mentally challenging."

Changed his mind then? More likely it is still true that it would be too challenging for him but he is too selfish to admit it and let a better, less senile man do it instead.

Let's do another comparison shall we?

Now:

Is he perhaps even better than he was? "I think I am, yeah."

Then:

"Eighteen tournaments is about right for me," he said. "I don't want to go on too long, maybe end up going to South Africa and people say I'm past my best."

So we can add hypocrite to his failings as a commentator. At best it is the inability to keep to his word, or to make a decision and stick to it. I guess the latter is more likely listening to his frequent sitting on the fence, non-commital commentaries.

And I go to an awful lot of football when I'm not working, by the way.

Like all football fans do you mean? You can't possibly be wanting to claim credit for that in all seriousness.

And when I ask whether he is as fired up by football now as he was then, he jumps in before I can reach the end of the question. "Yeah, I am. I prefer to spend my time enthusing about what I saw last week and what I might see next week, than about games I saw years ago. And I'm probably enjoying this season as much as I've enjoyed one for ages."

This is after the entire rest of the article and therefore I presume the "long and agreeably well-lubricated lunch" talking about the long ago past? Do me a favour Motty and cut the crap. Perhaps that is not fair, as I can actually think he may believe what he's saying the old fool.

Oh by the way incase you think I am being a little harsh on him, in Motson's latest commentary he claimed that Robbie Keane was the most complete player in the Premiership. WHAT THE FUCK?! The man is batshit insane my friends.

Monday 2 March 2009

Piers Morgan, look in the mirror.

Piers Morgan. Anyone who has seen him on screen cannot argue that his arrogance and love of himself is matched only by that of Richard Madeley. So it is quite remarkable that he would lambast Rafa Benitez for being very much the same.

There has always been something very irritating about the Spaniard.

There has always been something very irritating about the self-important moral outrage of a filth-monger like Morgan.

The cheap-looking glasses, hideous patterned ties and ill-fitting suits do nothing to counter the general impression of a middle- ranking bank manager. But the most annoying thing about him is that he could be so much more successful if he just managed to find a few seconds in every day to stop thinking about himself and dwell on his team for a moment.

Wow. Really wow.

Valencia:
La Liga Winner: 2001-02, 2003-04
UEFA Cup Winner: 2003-04

Liverpool:
FA Cup Winner: 2006
UEFA Champions League Winner: 2004-05

What a tale of woe for Rafa. He won the Spanish League with fucking VALENCIA. Twice.

Considering the strength of the Premier League you can make a very good case that Liverpool are the 3rd or 4th best side in Europe. Hardly Rafa's fault that there is a Man Utd dynasty going on and Chelsea have limitless amounts of money.

Oh yes he did win the Champions League with Liverpool. Here's a few names for you: Biscan, Baros, Smicer.

This guy has managed teams that have consistently over-achieved.

Morgan's crowning achievement? Not sure but here's a few select highlights:

Achtung! Surrender headline
Insider trading
Iraqi torture hoax pictures

Benitez has to be the most arrogant manager ever to grace the Premier League...

You just know that he wakes up every morning, struts to the bathroom in his purple Noel Coward smoking jacket, takes a long, hard look at himself in the mirror, and smirks: 'Rafa, you is looking the bizzo today!'

Seriously I don't know he has the balls to write this. You've got to admire the bare faced cheek I suppose. Arrogance and self-love oozing out of Piers Morgan's skin. He really is one of the most irritating pieces of shit ever to float to the top of the showbiz pond. At least there is something genuine about Rafa. He is honest, open and interesting, qualities that Morgan can only dream of having.

Liverpool were cruising at the top of the League at the turn of the year. They looked strong in depth and focused and I genuinely thought, if Gerrard and Torres stayed fit, they might go on and win the title. Then came Dossier Day. The moment that Benitez decided to make it all about himself again.

Fernanado Torres number of Premier League games missed this season: 13

But of course this article is all about Benitez. It is true that Rafa lost the plot with Fergie but I very much doubt that had any effect on his players. Another case of the media blowing something out of all proportion, then presuming that the players are effected by it just because they put it in the papers and then reciting it as gospel fact when it is actually all made up by them.

This season was the closest Liverpool have come to winning the Premier League and they almost certainly blew it when they had it in their hands. Because, at the crucial moment, when the players looked to their manager for the kind of supreme Churchillian 'Let us go forward together' speech that might drive them on to victory, he turned it into the Rafa Benitez show.

No one except you, the media, have made it the "Rafa Benitez show" by continuously writing pointless repetitive articles about a slightly interesting press conference rather than focusing on what is happening on the pitch.

As a football fan it has been about the fact that Torres has not been able to stay fit all season and that there have been quite a few teams prepared to try and to leave Anfield with 0-0. Then we look to Rafa's inability to understand how to play away from home in the Premier League.

Question his decisions in who he picks and the instructions he gives them away from Anfield and I will be right there with you.

Drivelling on about personality and issues outside of the football field and I suggest that you are projecting something of your own awful business onto sport where performance on the field is all that matters.



Twat.

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