Phil Thompson 'expert' analysis

In SkySports.com's dubiously named expert column featuring Phil Thompson (I can't say it was written by Thommo as he is only quoted due to the fact he hasn't yet learnt to type. His only attempt was in 1998 but he found he cannot see the keyboard due to the size of his nose. Yes I know cheap shot) he discusses West Ham's Alan Curbishley.

"It was a brave a decision to play the same side that played so dismally at Manchester City last week," said Thompson. "But as I said right at the start of the game it shows his faith.

Perhaps it was more reflective on the fact Curbs has no one who's any good on the bench? Except a returning from injury and not fully fit Bellamy of course.

"It wasn't a 4-1 game and probably 2-1 would have been justified because they scored two late goals. But they played very well.

2-1 would have been justified except for Blackburn's disallowed goal that was not offside and the missed penalty. Probably Thommo was too busy thinking of the beautiful flowing locks of his dreamboat Nando Torres to see those incidents.

"I've seen it again and he wasn't offside because he was in line with the defender and the linesman got it completely wrong. That might have changed the whole complexion of the game."

Oh so he did see that.

Might have changed = would have changed because it would have meant the score changed to 2-2 therefore by definition changing the whole complexion of the game

"Robert Green made the penalty save, but he made two other saves as well.

And that.

Note the weird use of 'but' in the above sentence. As if juxtaposing the two halves of the comment. It's as if he means that saving a penalty is valid (and not lucky) if you've made some other good saves during a game as well whereas if it's the only save you make then you have ripped them off or something. Absurd logic.

"So he might feel a little unfortunate that they've been given a whacking today."

Freudian slip here (be afraid Nando, be very afraid).

NB. Bonus points for Thommo not mentioning Liverpool mean I didn't really rip into him as much as I would've otherwise done.

Old big nose

I don't know anyone who likes this man. He has written a pointless article on the Champions League Final over at Sky Sports.

Having two Premier League sides in the Champions League final is a huge boost for our standing in European football.

Really? More insights please…

But there is a downside to having two English teams in the final

Yes it does sort of devalue the competition called the Champions League when 2 teams from the same country are in the Final I suppose. Also it isn’t really a truly European event is it I suppose?

- defeat to a team from your own country will be even more damaging to the loser.

What? Why?
What you’re really saying is this massive downside to English football is that either Chelsea or Man Utd will be damaged in some way not possible if they got ravaged 4-0 by Barcelona or the likes?

I've spoken to a lot of Liverpool fans who feel they could never have lived it down if they'd lost to Manchester United in the Champions League final - and I know some Man United fans feel the same.

Oh yes I forgot that Liverpool were playing in the final this year again. You feel that it is all he can do to not start typing ‘we won it 5 times’ over and over again from here until the end of the article. In fact I like to think that Thommo sings that as a lullaby to his kids every night (even though they are in there 20’s) and thinks of Stevie G when he’s doing the missus.

Anyway the point he is making – that the winning side’s fans will mock the other teams – is not really relevant considering there is no historical rivalry between Chelsea and Man Utd and the Chelsea fans are really not too bothered about anything other than a nice pre-match meal in the Chelsea village. Certainly there is not anything on the scale of Liverpool/Man Utd hatred here.

In 1977, Liverpool had just lost the FA Cup final to Manchester United and they had to go and play in a European Cup final four days later. The FA Cup defeat united the group, bonded everybody together and there was no way they were going to lose again.

Phil Thompson basking in Liverpool’s past glories shocker!

Thommo then goes into a tactical analysis that a schoolboy could’ve made just as easily such is the incredible obviousness of it:

I think United will start with a front three of Carlos Tevez, Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo
That means winning possession of the football in the midfield area will be very important.
It's very important to handle yourself properly in the build-up to a game like this. The players won't need any motivation and even the most laid-back person will be fired up for this one.
These players know what it's like to win trophies and titles, but I still expect they will get nervous before the game.

Platitude after platitude after platitude.

Then the coup de grâce:

UNITED WIN - I'm hoping and praying we see a fantastic display from both teams and I'm calling it as 3-2 to Manchester United.

If this game finishes 3-2 I will join the official Liverpool Supporter’s Club. How’s that Thommo?