Old big nose

I don't know anyone who likes this man. He has written a pointless article on the Champions League Final over at Sky Sports.

Having two Premier League sides in the Champions League final is a huge boost for our standing in European football.

Really? More insights please…

But there is a downside to having two English teams in the final

Yes it does sort of devalue the competition called the Champions League when 2 teams from the same country are in the Final I suppose. Also it isn’t really a truly European event is it I suppose?

- defeat to a team from your own country will be even more damaging to the loser.

What? Why?
What you’re really saying is this massive downside to English football is that either Chelsea or Man Utd will be damaged in some way not possible if they got ravaged 4-0 by Barcelona or the likes?

I've spoken to a lot of Liverpool fans who feel they could never have lived it down if they'd lost to Manchester United in the Champions League final - and I know some Man United fans feel the same.

Oh yes I forgot that Liverpool were playing in the final this year again. You feel that it is all he can do to not start typing ‘we won it 5 times’ over and over again from here until the end of the article. In fact I like to think that Thommo sings that as a lullaby to his kids every night (even though they are in there 20’s) and thinks of Stevie G when he’s doing the missus.

Anyway the point he is making – that the winning side’s fans will mock the other teams – is not really relevant considering there is no historical rivalry between Chelsea and Man Utd and the Chelsea fans are really not too bothered about anything other than a nice pre-match meal in the Chelsea village. Certainly there is not anything on the scale of Liverpool/Man Utd hatred here.

In 1977, Liverpool had just lost the FA Cup final to Manchester United and they had to go and play in a European Cup final four days later. The FA Cup defeat united the group, bonded everybody together and there was no way they were going to lose again.

Phil Thompson basking in Liverpool’s past glories shocker!

Thommo then goes into a tactical analysis that a schoolboy could’ve made just as easily such is the incredible obviousness of it:

I think United will start with a front three of Carlos Tevez, Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo
That means winning possession of the football in the midfield area will be very important.
It's very important to handle yourself properly in the build-up to a game like this. The players won't need any motivation and even the most laid-back person will be fired up for this one.
These players know what it's like to win trophies and titles, but I still expect they will get nervous before the game.

Platitude after platitude after platitude.

Then the coup de grâce:

UNITED WIN - I'm hoping and praying we see a fantastic display from both teams and I'm calling it as 3-2 to Manchester United.

If this game finishes 3-2 I will join the official Liverpool Supporter’s Club. How’s that Thommo?

Do you understand the NFL draft?

The BBC.

The national broadcaster of the UK. If you want to watch any channel at all you have to pay them money to do so. They do a lot of things right in their coverage of sport.
Their Sports Editor is Mihir Bose. He has a blog. I'm afraid to say he wrote something about the NFL draft. It is from the end of April but worth a look anyway.

American sports have always been a foreign country to me, so much so that whenever I visit the United States I am forced to change my newspaper reading habits. I grew up reading papers from the back, but when I go to the USA I start reading them from page one as most of the sports they report on make little sense to me.

1. Yes America is a foreign country
2. You will never learn anything new with that attitude
3. You are the sports editor of the BBC for fuck's sake at least pretend you know something about US sports

In that above paragraph Bose links to an International Herald Tribune wrap of a Yankees v Indians game. I'm guessing he never got past the title 'Wang helps Yanks' before giving up on this one.

The insularity of US sports reporting does not help either.

Completely unscientifically I have just checked out the BBC Sport homepage top 20 stories. 15 are based entirely on British sports. 8 are British football related despite the fact the season is over already.
Yes US sports reporters focus on *gasp* US sport. I don't doubt that it is much worse than other countries but the BBC are the pot calling the kettle black here I'm afraid.

The NFL has always been that American curiosity where, in the land of the free market, the biggest sport is an advertisement for red-blooded socialism.

Links in this one sentence to Milton Friedman and Tony Benn. Wow Mihir you're so clever and you know so much about politics I'm glad the BBC have employed you as their... oh wait Sports Editor. Then WTF is the point of this? Alienate anyone who knows enough about sport to realise you are talking shit?
It may have worked for some but not for me.

It is a compelling event, both very visible and open to scrutiny, and, in many ways, the NFL draft mirrors the way Americans run their primary elections campaigns, of which there is no equivalent in our Westminster model.

Seriously now is this a sporting blog or a political blog? Make up your mind what you want to be.

In what way does the NFL draft have anything to do with Presidential primaries?
Oh yeah I remember when Mario Williams successfully won more delegates than Vince Young or Reggie Bush in the 2006 draft. That was a classic.

In contrast, transfers in English football come across as cloak and dagger operations.

This is the non-cloak and dagger NFL draft where it is completely possible to speak to a player before drafting him to find out if he wants to play for you. Where the players come from a college system rife with bungs and added incentives to players to take up certain agents or attend certain schools.
Same in all US sports really.
Never seen Blue Chips?

Anyway now to my favourite bit:

The draft, which this year saw 252 college players signed by the 32 NFL teams, is also marked by what Americans call "trades".

Way to insult the license fee payer's intelligence. High five! What are these magical "trades" of which you speak?

a team will sometimes trade its number with another so it can sign a player it wants. Such trades only surface as the draft unfolds live on television, often providing the element of surprise and heightening the drama.

And that is Bose's comprehensive explaination of the trade system. No mention of value in picks traded whatsoever.
Can you imagine Bill Parcells deciding he needs a corner not a left tackle so trades the number 1 overall for the number 16 and takes Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie instead?
Not even Isiah Thomas is that stupid.

The annoying thing is that this year the BBC televised the SuperBowl live and did a pretty decent job, especially with their employment of Mike Carlson as analyst. But their sports editor needs to start reading those pesky back pages of USA today. Or better still some Peter Gammons or Gene Wojciechowski or Bill Simmons or something.

Erm aren't you missing someone here?

Des Kelly of the Daily Mail wrote a column about the class war in the Premier League. All very obvious big four type stuff. At the bottom of the article he writes a few paragraphs on other subjects including the snooker World Championships:

Whether you consider snooker a worthwhile sport or not (and I do) the game has one undeniable attraction; there are times when it can deliver perfection.

Few other endeavours offer such a tantalising and absolute opportunity.

I watched the World Championships and I can tell you it is a worthwhile sport. In fact it was very worth-300k-while to Ronnie O'Sullivan when all said and done.

Anyway the perfection Des is talking about it obviously the 147 break.

Yet, for a while at the World Championships, Ronnie O'Sullivan reached a level of God-like supremacy rarely witnessed in any sport.

Ali Carter

In a scintillating spell he notched up a maximum 147 break and displayed a complete mastery of his profession.

Ali Carter

His destruction of Stephen Hendry was at least the equal of anything produced by Tiger Woods on the golf course, Roger Federer on court or Michael Schumacher on the track.

Even at their illustrious best, were they ever faultless?

And thus the article ends. I suppose Des can be forgiven. I mean we can't expect the same standard from him that he ascribes to Ronnie.

So may I do his job for him and say Ali Carter:
Fantastic 147 break. Totally equal to Ronnie's (by virtue of the fact that they both achieved exactly the same score).

Journalistic Arrogance 101

Martin Samuel of The Times has chosen that oft ignored subject for football columnists: A defence of Frank Lampard

Frank Lampard is football’s equivalent of litmus paper.

If that litmus paper wandered around the centre circle of Stamford Bridge occasionally kicking the ball against a defender into the back of the net then yes.

Well, introduce Lampard’s name into a conversation about the game and comparable indicators appear. You find out who knows and who doesn’t.

It sounds like (given his track record) Samuel is about to argue that if I know anything about football then I must get down on my knees and hail to the greatest, noblest midfielder in the world: one Frank Lampard Jnr.

A trip to the official site of the premier league reveals that Frank Lampard has been consistently in the top 2 or 3 midfielders in the scoring charts, and top ten in assists over the last 5 years. Various sources within the game who are listed within the article itself all agree on what a fantastic player he is. OK Martin I'm with you. I have to agree that Lampard is a excellent player, of which there can be no doubt...

Against Liverpool on Wednesday he went above and beyond. By electing to take, and scoring, a vital penalty in his first game back since the death of his mother, Pat, Lampard became the hero of the night. It was a moment of exquisite bravery in a sporting context, one of the finest examples I have seen

Oh.

Dear.

Yes despite writing a column about it only 4 days earlier Samuel chooses to once again shove down us poor stupid football fans throats how incredibly incredibly brave Frank really is. In fact I can't think of one big game for Chelsea or England where he has been utterly anonymous when his team has needed him the most.
Oh sorry I've just realised that last sentence is complete bullshit.

I am more convinced than ever that if you hate Lampard, you don’t know what you’re watching.

Did you know that Frank Lampard once flew around the planet earth backwards so he could turn back time and save his one true love Lois Lane? Or was that Superman?

Yes OK fair play to Lampard he took a big penalty in the biggest game of the season and he slotted it, but I mean give up with the whole mother angle already. Get over it Samuel. I realise that Frank Lampard is an attractive man but really just leave it alone.

Samuel now goes on to publish a number of reader comments on his last Frank Lampard diatribe to prove how stupid the average Frank Lampard hater really is. No cherry picking here from Samuel of course...

It was a well-taken penalty, but hardly a Johnnie Wilkinson moment. Calm down, mate
Simon, meanwhile, shows his grasp of an array of sports by failing to spell Jonny Wilkinson’s name correctly.

Hahaha this guy can't even spell the word Jonny! I mean it's a word that sportswriters I'm sure use a lot. But this guy is just a normal bloke who would never need to write the name, how he is supposed to know that Wilkinson uses such a stupid spelling for his first name?
Also the implication that not being able to spell to any level renders his opinion useless? Very clever Martin, most unpretentious of you.
There are a few other comments Samuel responds to which vary in quality but then this one really hacked me off:

Pathetic obsession with Lampard. Many athletes perform immediately after a family bereavement. Wes Brown, the Manchester United defender, did in February. No fuss, just simple dignity. Thousands of people across this nation lose their nearest and dearest and go straight back to work.

followed by this response:
Brown played in the Manchester derby three days after his father died. Lampard did not feel capable for a week after the death of his mother. Brown’s dedication was equally admirable, but people handle grief in different ways

Oh well that's why you didn't write a fawning column about Wes Brown declaring him as near to sainthood as a footballer can get. He dealt with the grief in a different way? Next time you're round at Wes' house say hi from me won't you Martin? Oh wait you mean you don't know him personally at all? Well you can't be expected to speak to people who live in the North of England now can you you superior cockney twat.

None of the comments Samuel posts suggest a hatred of Lampard or doubting of his footballing abilities. Only one questions his performances for England. A subject which Samuel clearly does not want to get into and dismisses with:

the two player-of-the-year awards Lampard won from England fans in 2004 and 2005

In Euro 2004 Lampard scored 3 goals, all vital at the time including an extra time equaliser against Portugal. He proved himself for his country that season. I don't doubt this player's fantastic ability.
In the 04/05 season he scored against Wales, Austria and Northern Ireland, playing in 6 qualifying games for the World Cup. Not bad but the opposition were average at best.
05/06 continued playing well in qualifying and then went on to have an absolute shocker at the World Cup itself, consistently playing below his usual standards. I am struggling to remember even a decent performance since that World Cup and in fact he's only scored one goal in a competitive international since. And that was a penalty!

He phones it in for England. He looks like he doesn't care. And get this: even Steve McClaren knew to drop him!
The guy proved himself and then has coasted on his reputation for the last 3 seasons of playing for his country, an honour very few are talented enough to earn. Perhaps this is why people don't quite agree with Martin Samuel's appraisal of Lampard's bravery and big game prowess.

So in summary we are all idiots for questioning Lampard's ability. Martin Samuel proves this by listing comments which do not question Lampard's ability, only exactly how brave it really is to take a penalty, and how motivated Lampard is when it really matters.

The only thing that seems to get him up for a big game is his mother dieing. Perhaps a Frank Lampard Snr kidnapping at the next World Cup may be in order. Don Fabio know anyone?

Oh and if you can't spell Jonny then SHUT UP!

Welcome...

to firejohnmotson.

For our first ever post a few details of the purpose of this blog:

The title would seem to imply that this blog will be about BBC football commentator John Motson. Well it will be at times but the main reason behind starting the blog is for me to address what I feel are the low standards of sports commentating and writing in the UK. Motson is a figurehead as he is the worst commentator out there and the highest profile.

Most of the posts will probably consist of me ranting and raving about shocking sports journalism.

Yes this is unashamedly inspired by the original FJM: firejoemorgan.com as well as football365's great Mediawatch column. Unlike the authors there I am not a writer by trade although I do work within the sports industry in the UK.

Enjoy